birth class, day 4 (now with more rantiness)

I want to preface this post by saying that we in no way were hoping to make friends in our birth class. If it happened, that would be cool, but really, we just wanted to know how to pop BDR out when the time was right. (That's not entirely true; mostly, we wanted to know when the time was right to pop out BDR as to avoid delivering her on the side of the highway.)

Last night, we began talking about pain medications during the birthing process. We were given a chart (Clarifying Your Feelings About Pain and Medications in Childbirth), and told to place ourselves on the +10 to -10 point scale.

Click on image to view larger size.

The chart actually is pretty hilarious, as +10 means "I want to be numb and receive anesthesia before labor begins," and -10 means "I do not want medications, even for a cesarean delivery." The chart helpfully points out that these are "impossible extremes."

Anyway, I selected -5: "I really don't want to use pain medications so that I can avoid the side effects to my baby, my labor, and myself. I will accept them, though, if labor is complicated or very long." It summed up my attitude pretty much exactly, in that I would prefer to not use pain medication, but if I'm looking at 36 hours of labor, it might be nice to take a nap.

Kevin, for his own reasons (mostly because I'd already selected -5), opted for -7: "I really want to have a natural birth for personal gratification along with the benefits to my baby and my labor. I will be disappointed if I use pain medications."

I was honestly surprised when we were the lowest on the scale. I had imagined that someone else would select a -5; I had no idea that many women were up at +7: "I want anesthesia as early in labor as my healthcare professional will allow, preferably before labor becomes painful."

Really, if that's your attitude, it's not clear to me why you're taking a birthing class. Why not just schedule a c-section and get it over with?

Anyway, on our drive home, Kevin and I had the following conversation:

Kevin: I don't think the teacher hates us any longer.*
Amy: Really?
Kevin: Yeah, I think she liked the questions we asked.
Amy: That's good.
Kevin: Do you ever get the sense that the rest of the birth class hates us?
Amy: Hmm. I don't think they care enough to hate. I think they just don't know what to make of us.
Kevin: Yeah, I guess.
*Up until yesterday's class, we both really believed the birthing teacher hated us, despite my employ of every suck-up-to-the-instructor technique I know, including furious head nodding and keeping off-topic questions to myself.

Often, Kevin and I wonder what it would have been like to take a birth class back in Chapel Hill/Carrboro rather than in Palo Alto. We both suspect it would be...if not "better," then at least more "our speed."

It turns out our birth class is very representative of the overall demographic of this area. That is: it's YuppieTown. I mean seriously, hard-core YuppieTown. Which means that KJ and I stand out rather obviously from the other seven couples in the class, if not in appearance, but by some of the things we say and do.

For example: we're the only ones who don't know the sex of our baby. Apparently, Yuppies cannot abide by this, as they don't know what color to paint their nursery.

Speaking of nurseries, Yuppies have to consolidate their two home offices into one when the baby arrives. The would never consider having an infant in a small one-bedroom condo and tucking the baby into the dining alcove. They might consider referring us to Child Protective Services if they caught wind of our plans.

Yuppies are very concerned that they have finished their registries at Pottery Barn Kids (and the like). Also, they are very much flustered when the stroller that they have to have is out of stock, because every other Yuppie family on the Peninsula is buying the same one.

And, most relevant to last night's topic, Yuppies don't see any reason why they ought to experience any pain or discomfort in childbirth at all. As one Yup put it, "I won't feel any closer to my baby if it hurts a lot to get him out." Fair enough, but still...

Every class we're learning something. Sometimes, it's about childbirth.