things I didn't know about having a baby, but am very quickly learning

Re: Babies and sleep
(1) Babies sleep a lot, but not when you want them to.

(2) Good advice is to sleep when the baby is sleeping. Better advice is to get the baby to take a nap when you'd like to take a nap. Which leads to...

(3) If previously unsleepy baby falls asleep while eating, you will be mightily tempted to allow him to continue to sleep. Which means no burping of the baby. Which means super-crazy-gassy baby later. Which is all the more tolerable given the nice hour-long nap you were able to sneak out.

Nap #1

Nap #2

(4) Babies actually make a lot of noise when they are not crying. Peter, for example, makes a variety of rather loud non-crying noises, including:

- snorts
- grunts
- horse whinnies
- elephant calls.

(5) Babies take up a lot of room in a queen-sized bed. Peter may be only 22 inches (or so), but he's definitely a bed-hog. This is especially true now that he's moving around so much more, and has decided his preferred sleeping position is perpendicular to Mama and Daddy.

(6) Babies (or, at least my son) will gladly sleep if held - preferably by Mama, but, barring that, a pinch hit from Daddy will work as well. They will sleep in the most contorted baby-yogi positions imaginable, as long as they are held. They will willingly (grudgingly, really) sleep in a carseat or stroller, provided said carseat and stroller are in constant motion. They will NOT sleep in the pack-and-play, and the mere placement in the pack-and-play will cause an eruption of anger from what had been a peacefully asleep baby. They also will NOT sleep in a bassinet, unless they are so asleep they fail to realize they're not being held any longer - a process that takes about 10 minutes. (However, in those 10 minutes one can accomplish a frightening amount of household and personal necessities.)

Re: Personal hygiene and appearance
(1) Tooth brushing should be a daily goal, but, if it doesn't occur until 2 p.m., a stick of gum will help. Luckily, babies don't notice bad breath.

(2) You may be depressed to shop for an "attending-a-wedding" dress two weeks after giving birth. Plan on adding a few dress sizes from extra pregnancy weight, an additional dress size from your still-large uterus, and then seven or eight dress sizes for the milk jugs. And, really, don't count on said dress looking like it really fits you, but celebrate the fact that you can zip it up. Ignore all suggestions from husband that you will be able to wear said dress again at a later date, unless that "later date" is two weeks after giving birth to child #2.

(3) And, the only thing you have that fits are maternity clothes, which are even less attractive when you're no longer pregnant.

(4) And, you'll develop a frightening affinity for elastic-waisted pants. Eek!

Re: Breastfeeding and diet
(1) Perhaps the best thing ever: you're hungry all the time, and you need to eat all the time, due to the high energy needs of breastfeeding. And, unlike while pregnant, you actually have room to stuff in all of the food, since your stomach no longer is lodged between your nostrils.

(2) But, you're constantly afraid that the food you eat will give the baby gas, so you're reluctant to enjoy old favorites, like spicy cured Italian meats or bowls of Lucky Charms (with cow's milk).

(3) But, you can enjoy caffeine again. (According to the Womenly Art of Breastfeeding, published by the La Leche League, I can have 5 cups of coffee a day! With no effect to baby!)

Re: Personal Injury
(1) Having a baby can be harmful to your (wrist) health. Which makes caring for baby all the more difficult.

Re: Partnership
(1) You will never, ever, ever be more in love with your partner than you are when he comes home from a long day at the office, picks up the fussy infant from your arms, and lets you dash to the restroom.